|Posted by apricotandamberleighemusibles on June 7, 2012 at 7:35 PM|
Finding The One
So many people devote half a lifetime to searching for “The One”. What higher ideal could there be than discovering the Holy Grail of that perfect love? And yet, is romantic love really perfect love? Like anyone else, as the song goes, “I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out” – so many times too… Discovering someone I thought was “The One” cost me immense pain and five years of near insanity. I made it through only with the help of some very dear friends and someone very special who believed that I was “The One” and tolerated my selfish and rather silly behaviour. (No credits, they know who they are and they know the reality of who I am too!)
I am a poet and a musician. I call myself a Bard and therefore you would expect me to be romantic I suppose, but the romantic experience to me is a different concept of “romantic” than it is to many modern minds. Romantic to me is sensitivity to one’s surroundings, to others, to the feelings and inspiration Nature lends us. Romantic is gentle, it is aware of beauty in everything and acceptance of everything without condition. Romantic is a heightened state of perception that may or may not be associated with being “in love”.
To many people, however, romantic means a state of mind leading to sexual conquest. There is nothing more self-seeking, more mono-maniac, more Narcissistic, or more insulated from the rest of humanity than someone in the throes of “in love”. Being “in love” may share some of the feelings of what it means to experience a higher love, but it has most to do with chemical highs, pheromones – being “hormonal”.
In love derives from a Primary Drive, it is intense and is fuelled by the instinct to reproduce an individual set of genes. I am going to be controversial perhaps in saying it doesn’t really matter whether the relationship is heterosexual or homosexual because the instincts, drives and organ responses remain the same regardless of the gender of the “object”. In love excludes others – the weaker, the less attractive, the unwanted – it drives the older man into the arms of a younger woman and the older woman to take on lovers.
In love does not take account of responsibilities, duty, or decency. It has few morals and fewer inhibitions and so it is ultimately about Separation, not Oneness. In love is a Folie a Deux that can blind participants to the feelings of others – a chemically induced variety of autism. In this form, the ideal of Romantic Love, often seen as the pinnacle of human experience, becomes the Achilles heel of our species as its relentless hormonal onslaught demands we produce more and more copies of ourselves in an increasingly overcrowded planet.
It was during some of the most acutely painful times of my life that I felt most at One with the creator. There is no accident in that. In being brutally separated from “the one” I came closest to Oneness. It enabled me to create poetry at a great rate, I saw the beauty in so many things. The Romantic I am became separated from the straitjacket of “being romantic” and set me free to Love. For that I am grateful, but still so much in awe of how it all works!
I learned that “The One” is diametrically opposed to “in love”. Having a relationship with “The One” meant seeing beyond the exclusivity that so many men and women (especially women) hold so dear! “The One” is something to which we all belong, One Creation in its Entirety, the Universe, or God, in which we are both part and whole.
At the centre of “The One” is Love; not an exclusive or selfish “in love” that is hormonally driven, but a shared experience of beauty and empathy that reaches ever further and judges no being. “The One” certainly does not preclude the experience of “in love”, nor does it chain Love itself to one narrow blinkered object. Finding “The One” means discovering that oneself and the awesome, great and gorgeous wholeness of Nature itself really are One and the Same….
Categories: Musings and Poetry